You think you can’t. You can’t possibly take any more. It feels painful and exhausting to take your next breath. You are encompassed in a darkness so black not even a star could shine through. You feel like your last finger is losing its grip on the rope that you’ve held on to for so long. Hope a thought so obscure it seems as unattainable as your chances of touching a rainbow. You feel defeated. You feel you have fought so many battles but in the end you have lost the war. You feel alone, misunderstood, judged and empty. You feel your present moment is a reflection of the only moments to come. You are afraid, and this fear is as real as if you had been robbed of your valuables while you slept. You were robbed. Perhaps someone stole your trust, your sense of value and self, your innocence or your ability to believe in others and yourself. It is a violation that has been inflicted on you by a person or situation out of your control, which in turn, makes you angry, yet you don’t have a proper outlet, so you internalize. You negate the kind things others say; you negate anything kind you try to think about yourself. You feel like there is a demolition man in your head leaving a path of destruction while he plows through your thoughts.
Well stop! You are not your thoughts. Your mind is lying to you. You are so much stronger than you could possibly imagine. Just when you think you don’t have an ounce left to fight with, you dig into a reserve you did not know existed in you as it has not been necessary until this moment. You are not your negative thoughts. They do not define you or control you. You are an undiscovered gem worth sifting through the bullshit to get to the brilliance.
You are needed. Your story, your voice are both worthy of being heard. You deserve to be able to be speak how you feel without apprehension of ignorance and judgement. You are valued simply because you exist. You are your own thoughts, not the ones that have been fed to you and encouraged by others.
You are not alone. As much as you feel that way, know there are others at this very moment feeling the very same as you. There are places for you to feel safe, and to allow yourself to trust and be trusted. From Sicknotweak.com to #Imnotashamed the community of support for you has grown immensely in a short period of time. People who will listen and not judge. People with an illness. People who care. People who understand.
So giving up is not an option. It simply isn’t, so put it out of your mind. You will feel better. You will succeed, you will love yourself and others. Your depression, or anxiety or whatever else is not you. You have a disease and you are worth taking the same time to care about yourself as you would if you had cancer. You are worth giving yourself the same love, affection and respect as you do to everyone around you.
You are the change you want to be in yourself.
You’ve got this!