Looking Through the Glass Window of My Emotions

     When I am around people I don’t know well, or even strangers, I often feel translucent. It is as if they do not see me, what I am wearing or what I look like. I feel like my tanned skin becomes like a glass window, through which anyone can see, and if they … Continue reading Looking Through the Glass Window of My Emotions

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The Challenge of Surrendering My Expectations

      I am not sure if I love my father. When he says those dreaded three words…”I love you”, it is as if the words are merely skimming the surface of my being, they become words with little meaning. When I do repeat it back to him, the words flow out habitually, feeling … Continue reading The Challenge of Surrendering My Expectations

A Few Things to Remind “Little Me

      I started out wanting to write a letter to my inner child; a letter to the frightened and traumatized little girl I was. I planned to write it in a tone that I would speak to a young child, when it suddenly donned on me that my inner child is more like … Continue reading A Few Things to Remind “Little Me

Why Did My Self-Esteem Fail To Thrive?

      If you could achieve the right chemical combination to somehow create and bottle self-esteem you would be a billionaire. It would fly off the shelves faster than the production rate, with hundreds of millions seeking its miracle cure, myself included. What has happened to us as a society? We all can’t come … Continue reading Why Did My Self-Esteem Fail To Thrive?

Did I Know It Was Still Abuse Then?

        Since I have suffered depression since my first memories, the accompanying frame of mind and sense of self, over the years, becomes the norm. So if I have technically never been “well”, how will I know what it feels like if I ever achieve it? Will it be like a light … Continue reading Did I Know It Was Still Abuse Then?

I Can Do This, It’s Just a Day

    I need to remind myself often that it’s just a day; 17 hours or 1020 minutes of time awake. Good, bad, or indifferent, it’s just a day like all the ones before it. I made it through years of trauma and somehow made it this far, so whatever this day brings, I have … Continue reading I Can Do This, It’s Just a Day