About

I am a survivor, above all else. Life doesn’t always turn out as we planned, start out how we wished, or follow the course we wish it had, but we have no option but to carry on. We trod down the road not always choosing the right path, often led  blindly by the traumas of the past. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, depression with suicidal idealizations and anxiety. The battle against depression, for me anyway, is a battle I have fought alone, and as with any battles there are victims and survivors and on any given day I am unsure which one I will be…but I continue to fight.

 I have survived 3 suicide attempts, a traumatic childhood including 4 foster homes before the age of 18 months, long term sexual abuse, watching and trying to protect my mom from physical abuse, followed by six long years watching her die slowly and painfully of cancer and then I turned 19.

 I want people to know how debilitating depression can be. How it can affect your every thought,  your every decision. It can wear you down to the point of exhaustion and physical illness. It can cost you your job, your friends and family…and why? Because they are afraid, uneducated and it’s easier to stigmatize than to learn. People don’t know how to deal with mental illness so it’s easier to turn away and make excuses than to reach out a helping hand.

 Depression, anxiety and all other forms of mental illness are not a choice. These diseases chose us, and our choice now becomes how hard we are willing to fight them off. I truly believe many will win their battles, but let us not judge those who don’t. You don’t know their story, the depths of their negative emotions and the fact that they have been fighting this their whole lives. Everyone has a reserve of strength they’re unaware of until it’s the only thing they have left. Now what if that runs dry? Where do you pull hope and strength from when you are completely drained? When you have no one to talk to, no one to show they care, hope is not a feasibility.

 I am a survivor, a warrior and a conqueror. I have been sucked into the eye of the hurricane and am slowly making my way out. I have survived childhood sexual abuse, self-harm and multiple suicide attempts.

For many years I questioned why these traumas repeatedly happened to me, and now I have realized I was given this path because I am strong enough to go down it. It is that strength that has given me the ability to express and share my feelings and thoughts through words

Shortly after I was diagnosed with BPD, Depression and anxiety was when I began to blog. I use my writings as part of my healing journey and did not expect they would even be read, never mind useful to someone.

What I have learned while I am healing is that it is essential for people to know they are not alone and that there are so many others suffering with the same emotions. That if they reach out there is a community of love and support; of empathy, compassion and validation. There are people who will ask the question of utmost importance…”How can I help?”

My hope for the future is a world where mental health is finally free of stigma.  Until then I will use my words to enlighten people on the various aspects of Mental Health and use my voice to speak for those who don’t yet have the ability to do so.

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “About

  1. Jody, I am a mental health advocate in Dubuque, IA. We are currently in a campaign blitz to eliminate suicide in our community and reduce the stigma that typically accompanies mental illness as a whole. I have battled and survived depression and anxiety for more than 50 years.
    The letter you wrote to give to people who are struggling. was spot on. I would like to include it as part of a toolkit that we are providing to our schools and businesses. Is this OK with you? Would you want us to adapt it in any way, or could we if we needed to? Let me know. Thanks for the wonderful work you are doing, and please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you. Thanks. Matt Zanger

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    1. Hey Matt, sure you can use it. Will you be using my name? The only thing I ask is if you could throw a link back to my blog and to sicknotweak.com or #SickNotWeak.

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      1. Hi Jody,
        I am JD. I just read your note about suicide on the Mighty which is what I think Matthew was talking about.
        I am a writer and thought the letter was beautiful.
        I would love to talk to you if that is possible.
        My email: julia.goldenberg@kingschoolct.org
        I go by JD
        thank you

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  2. I just want to thank you for existing and leaving such a candid article on suicide and how it feels. If you have time to talk, I would be eternally grateful. If not, I understand that. Taking care of injured people can take a lot out of someone. I left an email in the spot where it tells you to ‘Fill in your details below’. Anyways, I hope you have a great year. Thanks again.

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  3. Your aricle “If you don’t want to live anymore. .”, Made me feel a lot better than i was before i read it. I feel so alone but feel more fotunate than others in some ways so I feel weak for having such abandonment issues. It’s been very hard the past half a year from being homeless, living in a car for 3 months with my gf. I messed up a lot and even a chance to be working for a company I wanted to work at as a glass blower because of everything in my head. I feel no support from my gf even tho I understand I need to push harder in life but honestly my motivation is not there at all. We argue a lot and she says things to kill my confifdenfe and make me feel way low. It’s gotten to the point where I want to leave her real bad but I do love her alot. It’s annoying to try to make someone see something but when she’s angry she becomes very mean and doesn’t care what anyone says specially when she’s in the wrong, she becomes very immature but maybe I’m the dumb immature one for dealing with all this. She’s 22 and I’m 27, i understand the age gap but there are things we do connect specially sexually (sry if it’s too much info ). I just don’t want to focus on myself but what’s around me. My anxieties are bad and people fail to understand that, it’s like anxiety is a joke for people cause they don’t understand it..I just want to feel connected to something.

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  4. Hey.. thank you. Not sure what else to say.. I’m at the end of my rope.. shoot I just at the least sprained my hand punching a wall earlier from being so mad at myself for almost giving in to that void that ever calls me closer to it’s sweet Melody… It’s hard… And I wouldn’t be here if not for you. I’ve googled “I want to die” and read your post on numerous occasions… So on behalf of my mom and dad as well as my dog and seven cats.. thank you. -Manic

    PS.. if you see this and have time I have left my email for you.. I’d appreciate it.. this has been a bad year and I could use someone to talk too..

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