Why Did I Freeze

  Trauma comes in a multitude of types, forms, variances and degrees. No one person’s trauma can be experienced the same as another’s, nor can it be compared. The biology of our bodies react the same, prompting us to prepare for danger through fight, flight or freeze, but our emotional responses, however similar they may … Continue reading Why Did I Freeze

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The Complex Fear of Losing Your Therapist

  I was 8 when I saw my first therapist. She was a social worker and had been assigned to me to find out if I had purposefully or accidentally taken the bottle of my Grandma’s blood pressure medication. I remember her fidgeting with a pencil the entire time she was questioning me about if … Continue reading The Complex Fear of Losing Your Therapist

The Emotional Paralysis of my Dissociation

  I have a large compass tattooed on my shoulder and I still feel lost and overwhelmed.  I have no sense of direction and no map to point out if I am heading the right way, or if I am wandering further into oblivion. I have looked inside and outside for the answers, or at … Continue reading The Emotional Paralysis of my Dissociation

Is the New Method of Suicide Note Online?

      I have been passively suicidal for most of my life and actively suicidal three times. I know what it feels like to be carrying a burden so heavy your legs can no longer hold you up. I understand what it is like to see nothing but darkness and pain in your future … Continue reading Is the New Method of Suicide Note Online?

The Emotional Vulnerability of Love for a Borderline

    Relationships in the best of circumstances are tricky waters to navigate. They require not a captain and a first mate, but two co-captains, who are not only plotting out a similar course but are willing to stick together when the tides change your direction. Surviving childhood sexual abuse leaves emotional scars that twist … Continue reading The Emotional Vulnerability of Love for a Borderline

The Safe Place That Saved My Life

    The physical aspect of child molestation eventually ends but the emotional destruction does not leave the tiny shoulders carrying the burden. Instead, it grows with you and casts a shadow of overwhelming darkness for years, decades and sometimes for life. I was molested for 8 years of my childhood and its residual effects … Continue reading The Safe Place That Saved My Life

A Few Things to Remind “Little Me

      I started out wanting to write a letter to my inner child; a letter to the frightened and traumatized little girl I was. I planned to write it in a tone that I would speak to a young child, when it suddenly donned on me that my inner child is more like … Continue reading A Few Things to Remind “Little Me